apologies for the negligence of this. exams are out, the grades are rather okay, and everything's different - post matt era. hahs, been catchin' up with diff peeps, sth that i haven't been doing when im caught up in the whirlwind of love. anyhows, i love you my pals. thx for being thru evything wif me and enduring my emo moments ( GY DESERVES TRIBUTE FOR THIS). thx for not probing into my issues till im ready to speak. the stayovers and giggly times. love, in a different form.
but still i wonder, am i truly happy within now
gona go swim wif yeoks now! then vivo wif ex colleagues :) happy day.

bored.. tired of studyingg for nowww.
dyamm sianz.
ahh, two more weeks and liberation.
HAHS

9. Unspoken - Lacuna Coil

And it doesn't matter
how you feel now, anything at all
Seems to be your only way, so vicious
Heavenly apart

When your envy is on a piece of paper
Let me sweetly smile
You're devouring all the crumb
I'm leaving caught up in your lies

You're on any other side

Clawing up my eyes
I'm feeling your arms around me
On the other side
It's time to go
I'm hearing your voice
without words
On the other side

But it doesn't matter
how I feel now, anything at all
Since I've left you with the wrong
impression while I'm still the same

When I turn around and look
at my life, shadows in disguise
but I'm working on
an interruption of hypocrisy

You're an any other side

Clawing up my eyes
I'm feeling your arms around me
On the other side, it's time to go
I'm hearing your voice without words
On the other side

Any other side

:)
i wana get myself back and no, no more loving for me
thanks everyone, loves.

screw love, throw it outta the window
i gave you my heart on a string
fragile as it seems,
you left it dangling

visions of you haunts me
fading, fading, into the remnants of memory
anticipating till your shadow is nought

you said i was the cutest girl
i thought you could rock my world
yet --- disappointment

apologies are just a phase
i'm still here while you're gone
i should be selfish for once, pursue my own happiness not yours
yes,i traded my happiness for yours
i took the rocky route

i wonder, are you happy now?
sick of my antics, you soar free

questions pounding in my head
why did you only realise the personality mismatch after two friggin' years?
why did you fail to tell me my flaws in the past and even now?
why did i fall so deep for a man who doesn't know my heart?
why do i fake pretence and lose my cool shedding tears?
why all these times i've doted on you and loved you more than you ever did?
do i deserve this heartache?

lost,
my personality
my sanity
my worth

i've lost the real me
you've taken a part of me the day you ran away.

----------------------------------------------------------

rascall flatts - what hurts the most
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do

im writing this in extreme gastristis state. i woke up with a nightmare about my life i dreamt about everyone important - my fam, closest frens,and everyone tt matters to me. they're all in a flash waving bye to me. i wish i could jus all let go cos' lifes a bitch wif sch. and im rly jinxed i kip losing the one tts impt to me (like my mom, and now matt) so who rly matters now? i think ppl i rly love will jus go awy and leave me to clean up my wounds.. im sick and tired of hurting so bad once and again.. it was bad last time mommy went awy, i thought my heart is left wif a fraction. now matt has to leave, i dont have enough of my heart to myself anymore. it rips evytime someone tt matters go away. i hate my low life and i hate myself for wanting people tt will go away..

its weird being single and im having sucha tough time gettin over him.. i wonder how it'll be like when i have a new him and he has a new her. will my heart ever feel the same again? i still dream of him and anw i dont even know wads up wif me. after my frenz point out perspectives to me all i could hear is tt he's hurt me so bad i should move on without a scar as hes not worth it. our personalities do not match anyway. he gets frustrated wif me and he doesnt rly like my energy. sometimes i get irritated when hes too laid back and all. i should be happy now that its over but im not. i thought this would be an easy breazy breakup but its rly not.

we met up yesterday and that is another major tear jerker. when i realised that we couldn't be together anymore, like reality sinks in i cant help my tears. he's prolly rly sick of me you know, he jus wants me to move on to stop our pain. he prolly has it easy and is over me, has nil feelings about me, being nice to help me get over, feels weird about me being his buddy now. but im left alone to lick my wounds and i could only seek solace in the presence of my frenz.. seriously, nothing he could do can save the tiniest bit of my heart. i know im way too emo and i should take it easy but its easier said than done.. how could he have done tt so easily? how could he just forget the love we had? did it mean nothing to him at all? why are guys all like jerks - when they had enough of your shit they jus wana hit the nearest exit? why is it easier for guys to let go while girls have to suffer the heartache?

sighz im rly tired of all this shit. i cant breathe and now my gastric prob is gettin back. haven been treatin my stomach well enough. its either i eat too much in a period of time or eat too lil. hahs mayb its a painless and most direct method of ending my misery. dyam i cant believe i have this thought.i dont wana seek medical attention though if i have to go i jus wana go and leave this shit in my life. my mom and matt - tts jus too much to take in 20 years of my life. im trudging on but rly without strength and am sinking real deep into the depths of losing my ownself again. the jasmine you've known will jus put up a front now. be happy being your buddy when shes hurting like a thousand stabs thru her heart evyday.

#flames to dust, lovers to friends, why do all good things come to an end?

Sometimes I find myself sittin' back and reminiscing
Especially when I have to watch other people kissin'
And I remember when you started callin' me your miss's
All the play fightin', all the flirtatious disses
I'd tell you sad stories about my childhood
I dont why I trusted you but I knew that I could
We'd spend the whole weekend lying in our own dirt
I was just so happy in your boxers and your t-shirt

Chorus
Dreams, Dreams
Of when we had just started things
Dreams of you and me
It seems, It seems
That I can't shake those memories
I wonder if you have the same dreams too.

The littlest things that take me there
I know it sounds lame but its so true
I know its not right, but it seems unfair
That the things are reminding me of you
Sometimes I wish we could just pretend
Even if for only one weekend
So come on, Tell me
Is this the end?

Drinkin' tea in bed
Watching DVD's
When I discovered all your dirty grotty magazines
You take me out shopping and all we'd buy is trainers
As if we ever needed anything to entertain us
the first time that you introduced me to your friends
and you could tell I was nervous, so you held my hand
when I was feeling down, you made that face you do
no one in the world that could replace you

Chorus
Dreams, Dreams
Of when we had just started things
Dreams of me and you
It seems, It seems
That I can't shake those memories
I wonder if you feel the same way too

The littlest things that take me there
I know it sounds lame but its so true
I know its not right, but it seems unfair
That the things remind me of you
Sometimes I wish we could just pretend
Even if for only one weekend
So come on, Tell me
Is this the end?

heys finally jasmine is back. past few weeks have been hectic as there's lotsa midterms, projs, hw, quizzes. after mid week nex wk will be better. ydae went to see danny's performance @ talent quest @ ps. i must say i'm quite impressed. voted for him and yups he has stage fright. hahas. den was wif gy, watched pan labyrinth ( weird show ) and had subway (our fav).
sighz, wanted to hang out wif matt today to study but we quarrelled. now im feelin so low, like im kinda not good enough for him. ive gotten myself into trouble i am forbidden from his house ever again. was feeling emo, sad, useless and the way he talked to me is just like a pierce thru my heart. tearing like nobody's biz and i guess he'll prolly ignore me for a long time. he says he likes girls who're quiet, not so dependent and not so demanding. now i juz haf this sinkin feeling.. maybe all i can do is to leave him alone.. i could tell he doesnt like talking to me that much anymores i feel so low like a pest so hated and evything i request for is too demanding for him.. wellz the way he spoke to me juz now is like so piercing i lost my perogative of speaking my mind (which is a thing i could easily do in my usual self). tell me what should i do.. i will stop myself from calling him when im walking hme cos im being dependent by doing that,now i prolly wont even have the guts to ask him out anymore cos he likes staying at home.. its not tt i dun like stayin at home but the frequency of goin his hse is perhaps quite abit for me so now im forbidden cos' i dont appreciate going his house. and if i ask him out i dun want him to think im demanding cos he doesnt rly like to go out.sighz, should i also be more demure and quiet in front of him? perhaps he likes me most in the beginning of our relationship cos i was still quiet(im like tt to strangers).. he thinks that he give in too much and im not even comparable to his ex whos also an only child, in the sense that im wilful, irritating and i could only behave like a princess. i feel like his worst girlfriend ever.
sighs, all i can do now is numb myself wif sch related activities. i mean, im sucha loser in my love life and wad else? i dont mean to be vengeful or seek pity by blogging i jus want a listening ear which i turn to my livejournal. sighz, im sucha useless freak.
from now on, im gona be an indep girl (not gona call him that frequently.. its hard for me but i'll try) and juz numb myself wif schwork. my books are my best lover cos the amt of effort i put in will justify the outcome of what im getting i guess.
coming up nex i gotta do my
-ltb reflection journal
-study FA quiz chp 4&5
-prepare FA presentation
-AE homework
-study AE for wk7 take home exam
-keep on track wif ltb
-study micro for upcoming assignment
i officially announce im MARRIED to my books. my only solace :( 7 days 24 hrs a wk wif my books and nth else. hopefully it'll be theraupatic for myself so i wont have to feel sad thinking abt matt..

hrmmmm its been quite sometimes since i write anything in a blog....
so here goes...

welll jas and i have been quite in a bad state.... both of us fall ill respectively... so till the time that she has recovered, i guess i have to take on her job as a blogger..

met her on sat evening but we didn't do much though. just a normal dinner as i was so ill... i guess anyone will agree with that. After i played soccer in noon, i was resting on the bench. i look so tired and shed that someone ask me why i look so tired. well enough abt that, i was pretty much impress by ah bao....

he brought me porriage... for the first time, i realized that a guy can be nice to a guy as well... its not as though its GAY or what but rather it shows that friends are important in our lifes too... though its just a simple thing, i am pretty impress by them...

heading to school for CT later , proj meeting.
anw know wad i love most about todae? i'll g0 out wif my dearest matt later. i rly look forward to that. =)
hahas. our love is better than ever!
we'r gona watch step up and eat ice cream later! i want ben&jerry's pls.
hehez, k excited. shall go to sch, finish up my work den spend quality time wif my baby :)
-lovin'mybabyboy ALWAYS.